finding meaning

This ain't my first go around. It's my 28th. The arc of this teacher's career has had distinct phases. I put them this way.
1) Survival- first year
2) Settling In- years 2-4
3) Hitting a Stride- mastering of craft -5-15
4) Unease- Is this all there is? 16-22
5) Reinventing oneself- Finding meaning and new challenges in the work. 22- 'til now.
6) A second stride.
7) The final lap.

Okay, I guessed about the final two steps because I've not really experienced them yet. Maybe there are more than what I list here. Still, this has been my journey thus far. I was clueless at the start of my career and did things that were just stupid; I survived and had good mentors. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, Doug Ross. As I learned my craft - praxis- and about my craft- theory, I became a fine teacher. That third stage lasted a good 10 years for me. By my late thirties I wondered about my career path. Teaching is hard in that it doesn't offer much in the way for advancement outside of administrative work. And so, my groove became a rut and I felt stuck, truly stuck.

In some ways, I'll never be the teacher I was at age 33 again. Nor do I really want to be. I was dynamic in ways I am no longer dynamic. I can still "bring it" sometimes- but I did WAY too much talking- and really couldn't do it now even if I tried- I don't have the energy. It was an "Alex show". I performed and was perceived by many as being superb at what I did. My ego and sense of self were much too wrapped up in being the "best" teacher; I intentionally cultivated a following.

That time in my career ended years ago. I was good. I was dynamic, creative, I knew my pedagogy and was popular with kids. I was zealous in pursuit of changing my school in more progressive ways. But this teaching was also so narcissistic- I was much too wrapped up in self- and I think it damaged me.

Today, I still want to bring and share my gifts with my students. Influenced by Parker Palmer, Richard Rohr and others, I've come to know joy and contentment. I want a healthy connectedness with my students. I want to share knowledge and push them to learn and experience on their own. Of course I want kids to like me and my class. They're not going to learn without feeling some level of appreciation and connection towards me. Ego still has a healthy place in all of this. But I've made ego deflation a central part of my meditative practice these past 7 years.  I no longer desire to be "the best" at anything. I want meaning and joy.

While this meditation admittedly rambles about-  I'm quite sure I'm not alone in experiencing an arc such as the one I describe above. A teaching career can be difficult to navigate- those heady days in which I hit my stride were such a rush! But where do you go with it?  It's a dead end, but it is such a seductive dead end. I see some colleagues- young, dynamic, smart and popular- headed perhaps on my path. I hope they come out the other side feeling at ease and okay. Burn-out is an equally likely outcome.

I'm close to being an empty nester. 4 of my 5 kids are now off to college. I'll always be dad, but the job of dad is close to being done for me. I'm almost 50 and figure I have about a third of my career left. A little euphoria akin to what I felt in my salad days of teaching will be always be nice, but I will want it to be tempered with wisdom and detachment. I look forward to that second stride.

I'll let you know how it goes.

There's No Going Back

Can you really put the genie back in the bottle? The French National Assembly voted recently to ban cell phones and tablets in schools for all students 15 and under. This Guardian article points out that approximately 90% of students age 12-17 have a device in France. Yet Macron's government celebrates the idea that:

 "banning phones in schools means all children now have a legal “right to disconnect” from digital pressures during their school day."

Oh please.  What about the legal right to connect? This is just stupid. It's stupid because it doesn't help kids learn to manage devices in appropriate ways. It's stupid because we are in the midst of what some call the 4th Industrial Revolution and we are cutting kids off from the very tools that are driving this revolution.

Will it really be possible to ban technology that is even more integrated with the person? Who knows what we'll have in 2030. The tech may far outpace what we see in the video below. How long will we insist that students use only 19th century tech- the pen, paper and blackboard?

I'm reminded that it's a hard time to be a teacher. For my teachers back in the 80's, information was scarce and they were the repositories of information. Finding information required some thinking. Navigating a library's card catalog, microfiche, and stacks took some skill. Now we can just ask Google. And finding answers is easy. I know schools that kept antiquated laptops solely because they were incapable of connecting to the internet and kids couldn't cheat when typing their exams. I know it's pithy and easy to say that we should give Google-proof exams. But I'll say it anyway. Our tests should be open note and open internet. Let kids make their own meaning and play the role of expert. It's now easy to find facts. Let's stop pretending it isn't.

Look,  I know that students are distracted by tech. I know that they don't engage with each other in the the ways they used to. My classroom used to be abuzz in the morning before homeroom started with chattering kids. Now they are all on their phones. Something important and good has been lost. I do have kids put devices away upon entering homeroom, but when I do that they don't know what to do with themselves.

I know that students (and adults) who spend a lot of time on social media are more likely to be depressed. I know that technology is indeed a disruptor that threatens long established patterns.

Yet, banning phones, tablets, and connected devices teaches French students very little about how to manage technology and to use it effectively in their lives. British Luddites of the early 19th century thought that smashing machines would stop the Industrial Revolution. That's so silly in hindsight. We look back at these Luddites as noble, naive and yes, silly. This decision in France will look much the same.

Public vs. Private

My mother, my brother and my wife are public school teachers. I teach in a private/ independent school. It's little surprise to me that this study found no difference in performance by students in independent schools compared with students from public schools once parent income levels were taken into account.

So what can an independent school offer? In many cases, independent schools can offer more diverse learning environments. Again in many cases, independent schools can be more proactive and explicit in instilling moral codes. Private schools can also "catch out" kids who could disappear in larger public schools. Completely anecdotally, I've taught kids - usually misfits in public schools- who have thrived in my independent school. I've also known students who have left my school for public schools who have reported positive experiences.

For independent schools to thrive despite an increasingly difficult and likely unsustainable business model, we're going to have to do better in distinguishing ourselves.